year is 2392
child:  mommy i can't sleep
mother:  don't worry child. lay down as i sing you this ancient lullaby, passed on through my family for generations
mother:  WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE WHAT UP, I GOT A BIG COCK

trillow:

“i need to get something off my chest”
yeah it’s your shirt let me help you with that

bekn:

in my family i’m the ‘computer whiz’ cause i understand that when u open a new window the previous one isn’t gone 

malikthirst:

i remember one time i became tumblr friends with this girl and she asked me where i was from and i answered “canada” and she’s like “ohhhh canada eh” and i was like “ya ahah” and then i asked her where she was from and she said “i’m from nashville tennessee” and i was like “hey y’all” and she was like “y’all huh.. so you think americans are just dumb white hillbillies who are fat and don’t know anything” and then she unfollowed me

my cousin just tweeted “what if 11:11 wishes don’t come true because someone in the world wished they didnt” and now i am speechless